Okay, so as I get older, "change" is getting harder to adjust to. I have always thought of myself as a "go with the flow" kind of personality yet... I find I am actually very comfortable with routine and structure. Maybe being a mom of three children and wanting to have some sort of control and order about my life has defined that about me personally as well. I have actually quoted many times, "change isnt necessarily a bad thing" and yet I am not so sure about that today as I experience some major changes in my own life.
January 5th of this year was a day of change for me personally...for my family and for my life. After working for my husband for the last twelve years, I was laid off. This change in life was not exciting nor welcomed. It was a hard decision to make. I was sad and uncertain of what would happen next. After several weeks of personal vegitation and riding on an emotional roller coaster, I decided I had a choice..I could make the most of it or continue to wander aimlessly in my unhappiness about the change.
A job/career change is very scary for a nearly forty year old wife of twenty years, mother of three and Nana to two. After much thought, wringing of my hands, pacing throughout my house and in the midst of several "cleaning projects" I had begun ... I knew all I could do was pray and ask God for direction. With a list of priorities in hand, God directed my steps to applying for a bus driver position in the county where we live. Talk about change!! After a couple of weeks, a letter arrived inviting me to an interview... which triggered many more "personal insecurities" but once through the interview, past the week of class room training and the monumental event of passing my CDL test...training on the bus is the next step of this major life change for me.
I always told my children I understood their anxieties about change. Anxieties about a new school year, new teachers, meeting new friends, trying a new sport etc. but I was trying to be a good mom and reassure them I guess... because with this personal change, I literally can FEEL the anxiety they would describe to me. I so TOTALLY understand it now!! I am anxious of what this change will bring about for my life and I pray I will grow from it. It all is bitter sweet though. I miss the comforts of working for my husband, seeing him everyday, knowing that I never had to sacrifice my priorities which is my family and their well being for a job/career and realizing that being able to actively participate in their lives without the fear of loosing my job was far more valuable than I ever imagined.
I wont know about an "official" job until July so, until then I am trying to enjoy the bitter sweet taste of change because if anything is certain.... it's CHANGE!
